II am not emotional. Wellâ€¦ I am a bit, I believe, but I choose not to show it. When my grandfather died: I hid it. I just cried alone inside the confines of my royal blue painted room. Whenever I experience violence from that family member may it be verbal or physical: I always suppress it and act as if nothing happened or it did not affect me. Yup. I had a rough time but mind you, this is not a pity party. I am still blessed. I am still grateful but I am a little emotional with this one.
IT’S MY PARTY I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT
Not just emotional but I will also be tactless. As Miley would put it: â€śItâ€™s our party we can say what we want.â€ť This is my blog I can say whatever I want as long as I donâ€™t take â€śnothingâ€ť from nobody.
I would not say I had a breakup with my longest running relationship. It is my first and only serious relationship. Yet. Is or was? I really donâ€™t know.
What I know is I still reminisce our past. I remembered when we first met. I remembered we liked to go to movie houses and make out there. I remembered we liked to eat out at new restaurants around the city. I remembered the first time we made love. I remembered we had our first made-up nicknames for each other. I remembered we always hold hands when we are in a taxi. I remembered our first petty fight. I remembered we used to give gifts randomly. I remembered I would always be delighted when you give me a CBTL Blueberry Cheesecake or better yet some macarons. I remembered we just randomly go out just to take photos for our Instagram posts. I remembered we havenâ€™t talked for a month because of complications. I remembered we gotten official. I remembered I would only make it official if I could see the sunrise when you would ask. I remembered you made an effort to have it done. I remembered your struggles with what to do with your life. I remembered me telling you about my family problems. I remembered you called me and you cried because you failed the exam. I remembered we separated for the first time in months because you have to go home. I remembered you were clingy. I remembered you asked me if it is okay for you to apply for your dream job but it will also mean we would be far away from each other. I remembered I said yes because I love you. I remembered it would mean the world for you to have that job and who am I to stop you from getting that? I remembered I wanted you to be happy.
I REMEMBERED… it got worse
I remembered you’ve struggled with your applying and the training. I remembered you got your dream job. I remembered that you almost didnâ€™t get it. I remembered you cried that night before you learned you actually got it. I remembered I was happy for you. I remembered the day you graduated is the day that we would have celebrated our first anniversary. I remembered I made a video for you. I remembered you didnâ€™t make anything for me. I remembered my first disappointment.
I remembered me being disappointed would be as expected. I remembered I would be vying with your work for your time. I remembered I would always try to understand because your work is demanding and physically draining. I remembered I would always make the effort to make time for us to bond. I remembered you got colder. I remembered I caught you using Tinder. I remembered we had a fight about that but I just forgave you easily. I remembered you told me you have no plans for us. Just go with the flow, you said. I remembered you arenâ€™t supportive of this blog. I remembered you would rather spend time with your workmates and would not actually just reply with my chats. I remembered we had a very little fight at our second anniversary. I remembered you just stopped after that. I remembered I felt you just want to throw away our two years.
Photogaphed By: Ken Triana
Photo Post-Processing By: Lloyd Chua
Art Direction By: Lloyd Chua
Styling By: Lloyd Chua
Black Top by ZALORA
Ripped Shorts byÂ 21 MEN
Cap by ZALORA
Shoes byÂ ZARA
REMEMBERED TO LOVE MYSELF
I remembered I want to move on. I remembered to love myself again. ClichĂ©, I know. I remembered I donâ€™t deserve you. I remembered we started it all wrong anyway. I remembered deep inside I know you are just a stepping-stone for somebody else. Somebody who is worthy and has plans for OUR future. I remembered if you would contact me, I would always remember to keep myself first this time around but yeah, I remember you’re such an asshole. Such as asshole that you would never fix what you had broken. The End.
~ CEBU MEN FASHION & STYLE BLOGGER